Clergy Corner: For Pastors & Deacons
One of the realities of parish ministry is that many couples do not fully realize the weight of married life until after the wedding.
During engagement, hope is high and the future often feels exciting and full of possibility.
Yet every married couple eventually encounters stress:
- financial pressure
- work demands
- family tension
- illness
- parenting challenges
- communication struggles
- spiritual dryness
Strong marriage preparation helps couples build a foundation before those pressures arrive.
Preparation is preventative pastoral care
Much of pastoral ministry involves responding to struggles after they emerge.
Marriage preparation offers something different: the opportunity to strengthen couples early.
When couples develop habits of conversation, listening, and mutual understanding before marriage, they are often better equipped to navigate future difficulties together.
This is one reason FOCCUS® can be such a valuable pastoral tool.
It helps couples:
- identify areas of strength
- notice patterns of difference
- discuss expectations openly
- practice healthy communication
- recognize where growth may be needed
Small conversations matter
Sometimes clergy wonder whether these early conversations truly make a difference.
They do.
Many couples later describe FOCCUS conversations as the first time they spoke deeply about issues they had previously avoided.
Those conversations become part of the foundation they return to later.
Encouraging couples to invest now
One helpful message for engaged couples is this:
“The strongest marriages are not built by accident. They are strengthened through intentional conversation, prayer, and growth.”
Couples often understand the importance of preparing for careers, finances, or parenthood. Marriage deserves preparation too.
A pastoral reminder
Marriage preparation is not about eliminating every future challenge.
It is about helping couples develop the habits and mindset that allow them to face challenges together with faith and perseverance.
That is deeply pastoral work.
Thank you for your ministry
Thank you for continuing to invest in couples at the beginning of their vocation.
Your guidance helps create stronger marriages, healthier families, and stronger parish communities.
— Rev. Michael Grewe
Director of Ministries, FOCCUS® Marriage Ministries